A New Beginning

Retired leaves were scattered on the concrete, the sunlight bringing even lifeless cement to sparkle, just a little. The cool, crisp air flushed my cheeks on that brisk autumn day as I hurried to my first class. The bright yellows and deep reds of the autumn trees brought a smile to face as I say to myself, “Look how my life has changed.”

Was it really just a couple years ago that I was beginning to learn who I was? Just a couple years ago that I began to open up my heart to experience what it truly means to love and be loved? Yes.

Three years ago, I was a lost and lonely soul; crying out for attention and affection, I was looking in all the wrong places for fulfillment. My heart was crying out, begging to know what it was to be lovely, to be worthy, and to be loved beyond every mistake, flaw, and (hopefully disappearing) love-handle.

Four years ago, I was two different people. Longing so much to be loved, I threw myself into relationships that were neither godly nor healthy. I only desired to be desirable. On the one hand, I was every parent’s dream: a sweet, “Christian” girl that exuded confidence and had high goals; on the other hand, I was everything but. Not only was I a hypocrite that would mess around with her jerk of a boyfriend on a Saturday night and raise her hands to praise God the next morning, but I had such low self-esteem that I would do nearly anything just to feel worthy, to feel wanted by any guy.

The downward spiral continued until I woke up one day and realized I was not who God called me to be, not even close. I was raised well by loving parents, and yet I took as much advantage of them as I could by acting selfishly and rebelliously. Hypocritical, arrogant, and promiscuous, I knew I had become a monster.

I had come to the point that I was frustrated with the person I was, and the God I thought I knew was not helping me the way I thought he should. I foolishly said, “If I don’t find the perfect church for me, I’m just gonna quit going – I can do this on my own! A few days later, on a random Thursday night in July 2007, I was at Water’s Edge.

Little did I know, God had a different plan for me than I had for myself. He absolutely showed me his love for me that night. And the following week. And the week after that. He brought me to a place of brokenness, where my only need was Him; I was ravenous for more of Him, and he was faithful in healing my wounds and soothing my spirit.

I started to meet with a group of girls who had been through similar things as me; bad and broken relationships, lies, feeling unworthy of love. Through those meetings, God used their stories to lead me step by step back to Him. He put a desire within me to know His heart for me, and through that, I learned His heart for others too.

A few months after I began going to Water’s Edge, I moved to Athens to go to school at UGA. I had tried a few different campus ministries, but I missed Water’s Edge terribly and didn’t have a car so I couldn’t go very often. The following Fall Semester, a small group of friends and I would carpool every Thursday night to Water’s Edge. We hardly ever missed it.

Then came Spring Small Group sign-ups, and we were disappointed to find there weren’t any for Athens, and with gas and scheduling we just couldn’t come back another day for one in Gwinnett. Desperate to be a part of a small group, I asked Miles if we could join a group via Skype. He chuckled and said talk to Cory. So I asked Cory the same question. His reply: “No, but there’s going to be a small group in Athens and you are going to lead it!”

I didn’t know what to think; I had never led a small group before, and had only ever been in one the summer before. But it soon became obvious that this is what God would have me do, and he had been preparing me for this for the previous year. Thus, the first Athens Small Group was born. There were four of us who met consistently, and God was faithful; lives were changed forever even though we were so small.

In the fall, the second Athens Small Group began. We tripled in size, from four to 12 girls. God was faithful again, changing lives, breaking off chains, and bringing redemption. This semester is our third Athens Small Group. But because we have so many girls (nearly 30 signed up!), we had to split into two groups! This is EPIC!!! God is moving so much in Athens, and he is using Water’s Edge to do it. I am so, so grateful and humbled to be a part of this ministry.

-Jordan